Just waiting

Well, with 2 treatments down, and 4 to go,I still have a full head of hair!(and eye-brows)Yea!! The cold cap therapy is working!! Now I'm just sitting around recovering from bronchitis which seems to be, not leave me any time soon. Went to the ER on Saturday, and all my counts were good,the X-Rays were clear,now if I could stop coughing before I scream(if I could)all would be good. Instead I'll just silently laugh at my friends for calling me "Man lady",and my husband for telling me, not to talk because I scare him. Funny people. Other than that I'm doing great! My next dr appt. is on Jan 7th for a blood draw, and then I go back on the 12th for another blood draw , then on to my next chemo treatment on the 18th of January. That will be the half way mark. If my caculations are correct I should be done with all my treatments in May right before my 13th wedding anniversary. which is on the 16th. I will be ready for a celebration by then!!

Second Treatment

As I'm sitting here receiving my second chemo treatment, I just wanted to say how thankful me,and my family are for all the support, and prayers being sent our way. All the benefits that were held in my name were greatly helpful for us. Especially when I have to take off work for a week during my Chemo treatment times. It has help our family supplement my income during these weeks. It has been truly a blessing for my family, and I just wanted to say Thanks to each and everyone of you for helping ease these burdens for us, so I can concentrate on staying stress free,and healthy. God bless you in the new year,and thoughout your lives!

OneTreatment Down, 5 to go

Had my first chemotherapy treatment today all went well. I feel really good so far. Hope it stays that way! My head is frozen due to the Cold cap therapy I'm persuing for hair loss. My wonderful sister came with me at 7:40 this morning, and we won't leave until around 6:20 tonight. She changes the cap's for me evey 20 mins. She's an angel! I have to come in tomorrow for a shot to boost my white blood cells so they don't get too low. Then back on dec 28th for my next treatment. I feel such a sence of relief now that this first treatment is behind me, now I know what to expect. The fear of the unknown is now gone! Now I can concentrate on staying healthy and having a wonderful Christmas with my family!

One step closer

Today I had my medi port put in for my Chemo. Fairly easy procedure. It's on my left side just left of my collar bone. I'm alttle sore, but one step closer to starting my chemotherapy. It's really starting to hit me, that Monday will be my first treatment.Sometimes I still struggling with this whole Chemo thing. I had a bad night last night, crying about what's to come. I'm scared of the unknown. How will it feel going in? How will I feel after? Will I get sick? It's all these things multiplied by 100, and that's my anxiety level. I keep thinking positive, and remembering that this is only a preventative measure, but it doesn't seem any easier. I just keep praying and looking forward to the Spring because by May I will be done with everything, and on the road to recovery and reconstruction. I kind of feel like bulb you plant in the fall. I'm in a dormant stage now, and when the spring comes I'll shed my outer layer and rise up through all the rubble blossoming into a beautiful new flower! My mind, body, and soul will be renewed! So please keep me in your prayers for the up coming weeks ahead!

I'm Thankful For....

Well, Thanksgiving came and went. What a beautiful day spent w/ my family. 14 people were over to celebrate the holiday with us this year. First we ran in the Detroit turkey trot(well really walked in the mash potato mile.)It was a great way to start the day. I was really looking forward to this thanksgiving more than any other, because I have so much to be thankful for. We have a family tradition that I've been doing since I was a kid, and now my family does it. We lay down a white table cloth and everyone writes down each year what they're thankful for. It's pretty cool to see how things change from year to year. We trace the little kids hands until they can write for themselves. You see how much they've grown from the previous year. Last year I wrote down how thankful I was for a healthy family. Ric had just lost his job, four days prior. I realized that a healthy family was truly a blessing. Here we are a year later, and now I'm thanking God for my health, and the early detection of my Breast Cancer. This year more than ever I've seen my true value within the family, and how much my children, and husband need and love me. Ric has since found new employment with a wonderful company, and the love my family has for each other is still going strong!

The Next 6 Month

Met with the oncologist on Thursday, and I finally got my treatment schedule. Ok ya ready? I'll try to keep it all straight. First up is 6 treatments of chemotherapy. Starting Dec 7Th, every 3 weeks, for a total of 18 weeks long. Next up is radiation(starting after chemo mid March.)Everyday straight for 6weeks (Except week ends.) So my reconstruction process will not start for at least 6 months. There goes my plans to attend the hair show in Cancun mid April. Maybe next time. The Dr. also led me to a women who offers "cold cap" services. This is a cap you wear an hour before, during, and 4 hours after chemo to stop the chemo from circulating into the hair follicle's. She swears by it, and has used it twice herself. It seems like such an effort, and for what hair? Is it really worth it? Sometimes I wonder why I'm more concerned with loosing my hair then my breast. I figure I can hide my breast under clothes, but my hair not so much. I know I can always get fitted for a wig, but I don't want to wear a wig! I don't want to look like a cancer patient! No hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I don't want people to look at me ,and think " ahh poor lady she has cancer." So I will try what ever I can to keep looking like ME! I can't imagine not having my dark eyebrows. Ever since I was little that was the first thing you notice on me was my dark eyebrows and light brown hair. I know some people will say "it's only hair, it will always grow back", and I know this, but it doesn't make it any easier dealing with the possibility of being bald, and the Dr said it wouldn't start growing back for at least 3-4 weeks after my last chemo treatment. that puts me well into May before it even starts to grow. I really hope this cold cap works. It gives women some hope that not everything has to change in their lives. There is some hope to hold onto, even if it does seam silly. It's our identity, it's what we see in the mirror ever morning. I know there are some women out there that would be bald the rest of their lives if it meant being cancer free. For that I'm truly grateful to God, that mine was detected early and this is only an preventative measure. It still doesn't make it any easier. Although my Dad is bald, and he sure is a handsome fellow! Now I just pray I make it through all the treatments with little to no side effects. staying healthy is my top priority during these winter months.

The News I "WASN'T" waiting for

Well the verdict finally came in on the treatment plan for me. Let me tell ya, I wasn't too happy. Chemo, and radiation both UGH!!! I was so upset(MORE LIKE MAD) when the Dr told me the news. I don't feel sick, and I surely don't want to look sick! Just when I thought I was over the hurdle, a wall jumps out in front of me. Needless to say I've had a rough couple of days. Sitting at home trying to picture all the different scenario's of how I will look, and feel. The mind can play terrible tricks on you. I was mostly concerned with how the kids would react about this whole thing. Seeing me possible bald and sick. So I decided just to come out, and tell them. Once they came home from school they were sitting at the table doing homework, so I told them I went to the Dr's today, and I have to take some medicine to keep the infection from coming back, and some of the side effects could make me sick or loose my hair. My daughter started laughing, (I think she thought I was joking), but my son just looked at me with those big eye's welling up with tears, and said "oh no momma you're going to be bald?" I said maybe buy, it will grow back, he gave out a sigh of relieve, and said ok good. They kept fooling around, so I said to them both, "I'm trying to explain to you what is going on, and they just stopped, and looked at me. I said do you want me to keep things from you? Or tell you what is going on. They both said "no momma we want you to tell us." I said you're both old enough to understand, and I don't want to keep things from you, plus I need your prayer's, because God listens very closely when little kids pray. So they both said we will pray for you mom. The next day when I pick them up from school my son said, " hey mom when do you start taking the medicine that's going to make your hair fall out?" I said, I'm not sure buddy, I go to the Dr's on Thursday. So I continued to explain to them some more about the the side effects of chemo, like being tired or getting sick. I stressed to them the importance of washing their hands, and coughing in their sleeve's, and staying away from someone who's sick. Then my son asked what is the name of your infection? I said it's in my chest, he replied I know that, but what's it called.( I figured he is not going to let this go) so I paused for a minute, and thought I can keep on hiding the truth from them ,or come clean now. So I decided to tell them what my "infection" was called. I said well Ricky momma had breast cancer. He said " momma you have breast cancer?" I said I "had" breast cancer the Dr took it all out with the surgery, and that is why I need the medicine so it will never come back. He said oh ok, and I continued on to say God really blessed momma, with finding this infection early so we need to thank him every day in our prayers, because some women don't find it in time. He said we will momma. So all this time I was so concerned with letting them hear the"Cancer" word, and just like that they understood, and moved on to the next subject. I wonder if I was really protection them, or me having to deal with this issue in my life. Now that it's out in the open I feel so much better. What will be, will be, I can't control what happens all I can do is pray that I have no side effects from the chemo ,and this ugly disease never returns. I surely know my prayer life has been strengthen ever since I was diagnosed, and many strained relationships in my family have been healed. It just a shame it takes a trauma in a family for things to fall into place, but in "ALL" things give thanks! Thank you Lord!