The Next 6 Month

Met with the oncologist on Thursday, and I finally got my treatment schedule. Ok ya ready? I'll try to keep it all straight. First up is 6 treatments of chemotherapy. Starting Dec 7Th, every 3 weeks, for a total of 18 weeks long. Next up is radiation(starting after chemo mid March.)Everyday straight for 6weeks (Except week ends.) So my reconstruction process will not start for at least 6 months. There goes my plans to attend the hair show in Cancun mid April. Maybe next time. The Dr. also led me to a women who offers "cold cap" services. This is a cap you wear an hour before, during, and 4 hours after chemo to stop the chemo from circulating into the hair follicle's. She swears by it, and has used it twice herself. It seems like such an effort, and for what hair? Is it really worth it? Sometimes I wonder why I'm more concerned with loosing my hair then my breast. I figure I can hide my breast under clothes, but my hair not so much. I know I can always get fitted for a wig, but I don't want to wear a wig! I don't want to look like a cancer patient! No hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I don't want people to look at me ,and think " ahh poor lady she has cancer." So I will try what ever I can to keep looking like ME! I can't imagine not having my dark eyebrows. Ever since I was little that was the first thing you notice on me was my dark eyebrows and light brown hair. I know some people will say "it's only hair, it will always grow back", and I know this, but it doesn't make it any easier dealing with the possibility of being bald, and the Dr said it wouldn't start growing back for at least 3-4 weeks after my last chemo treatment. that puts me well into May before it even starts to grow. I really hope this cold cap works. It gives women some hope that not everything has to change in their lives. There is some hope to hold onto, even if it does seam silly. It's our identity, it's what we see in the mirror ever morning. I know there are some women out there that would be bald the rest of their lives if it meant being cancer free. For that I'm truly grateful to God, that mine was detected early and this is only an preventative measure. It still doesn't make it any easier. Although my Dad is bald, and he sure is a handsome fellow! Now I just pray I make it through all the treatments with little to no side effects. staying healthy is my top priority during these winter months.

The News I "WASN'T" waiting for

Well the verdict finally came in on the treatment plan for me. Let me tell ya, I wasn't too happy. Chemo, and radiation both UGH!!! I was so upset(MORE LIKE MAD) when the Dr told me the news. I don't feel sick, and I surely don't want to look sick! Just when I thought I was over the hurdle, a wall jumps out in front of me. Needless to say I've had a rough couple of days. Sitting at home trying to picture all the different scenario's of how I will look, and feel. The mind can play terrible tricks on you. I was mostly concerned with how the kids would react about this whole thing. Seeing me possible bald and sick. So I decided just to come out, and tell them. Once they came home from school they were sitting at the table doing homework, so I told them I went to the Dr's today, and I have to take some medicine to keep the infection from coming back, and some of the side effects could make me sick or loose my hair. My daughter started laughing, (I think she thought I was joking), but my son just looked at me with those big eye's welling up with tears, and said "oh no momma you're going to be bald?" I said maybe buy, it will grow back, he gave out a sigh of relieve, and said ok good. They kept fooling around, so I said to them both, "I'm trying to explain to you what is going on, and they just stopped, and looked at me. I said do you want me to keep things from you? Or tell you what is going on. They both said "no momma we want you to tell us." I said you're both old enough to understand, and I don't want to keep things from you, plus I need your prayer's, because God listens very closely when little kids pray. So they both said we will pray for you mom. The next day when I pick them up from school my son said, " hey mom when do you start taking the medicine that's going to make your hair fall out?" I said, I'm not sure buddy, I go to the Dr's on Thursday. So I continued to explain to them some more about the the side effects of chemo, like being tired or getting sick. I stressed to them the importance of washing their hands, and coughing in their sleeve's, and staying away from someone who's sick. Then my son asked what is the name of your infection? I said it's in my chest, he replied I know that, but what's it called.( I figured he is not going to let this go) so I paused for a minute, and thought I can keep on hiding the truth from them ,or come clean now. So I decided to tell them what my "infection" was called. I said well Ricky momma had breast cancer. He said " momma you have breast cancer?" I said I "had" breast cancer the Dr took it all out with the surgery, and that is why I need the medicine so it will never come back. He said oh ok, and I continued on to say God really blessed momma, with finding this infection early so we need to thank him every day in our prayers, because some women don't find it in time. He said we will momma. So all this time I was so concerned with letting them hear the"Cancer" word, and just like that they understood, and moved on to the next subject. I wonder if I was really protection them, or me having to deal with this issue in my life. Now that it's out in the open I feel so much better. What will be, will be, I can't control what happens all I can do is pray that I have no side effects from the chemo ,and this ugly disease never returns. I surely know my prayer life has been strengthen ever since I was diagnosed, and many strained relationships in my family have been healed. It just a shame it takes a trauma in a family for things to fall into place, but in "ALL" things give thanks! Thank you Lord!

Big Thanks to All!!

On Sunday the 15Th of November my family, and friends held a benefit for my family at LTB's. (a local bar and grill.) It was really nice to see extended family and friends. Usually I would see some of these people at weddings or funeral's. It was really nice to see them in a different setting. I was overwhelmed by the responce we had at the benefit. I truly felt "LOVED" by everyone in the room. The girls who hosted the benefit did a wonderful job!! The really worked their little butts off! It's nice to know you have people who walk the walk on your side. Not just give lip service. Sometime people don't know what to say or do in a situation like this, so they will say " call if you need anything", and they may or may not mean this. But everyone whose said this to me has truly stood up to the plate, and been their for me, and my family. I will be forever grateful to all of you! I love you all very much!

In all thing give thanks!

Went to the Dr's on Monday. Had one of the tubes taken out. The other needs to stay in until the fluid levels are under 25cc's. So hopefully in the next day or two it will come out. My incision area is alittle red so the Dr put me on some antibiotics to be safe. I will have to go back in a week to see her again, so she can make sure it's healing properly. Still waiting for additional testing to come back, then I can go see the oncologist. Then I'll know the course of treatment they suggest for me. Everything is still up in the air. Right now all I'm doing is thanking God for leading me in the right direction for proper care during this whole ordeal. I was telling my husband what a crappy year 2009 has been, and how I cannot wait for it to be over. So much sadness this past year, with unexpected deaths, and sickness, Ric not being able to find work, kidnappings, even in our own town, and all over the country. It's just been a strange year. Then my Dad said to me yesterday," this has been A year of miracles."(A few months ago my Dad under went surgery for an abdominal anurisim. Which if went undetected would of killed him. ) I said you know what dad it sure has been. Jesus says "In All things give thanks" and I do! What started off as a terrible year ended up being the year that saved me, and my dad's lives. All the "Bad" things that happened, is what brought me excatly to where I'm at now. Cancer free, and alive. Early detection was truly a miracle granted to me, and my dad by God.

Beautiful Fall Day!

Today I got up, and dressed, put some make-up on. I actually felt like a women again. Today was one of the prettiest fall day's we've had so far. It felt good being outside with my husband, and watching the kids jumping in, and out of the pile of leaves he kept trying to make. I grabbed the rake for alittle bit, but seeing my drainage tubes dangling down my side reminded me to take it easy, not full steam ahead just yet. So I grabbed my camera instead ,and took a bunch of pictures of them playing around. Tomorrow I go into the Dr's for my check-up, and to get these tubes taken out (finally) there driving me crazy. Everyday emptying them out, keeping track of how much fluid drained out. Ric did it most of the time, so I really shouldn't complain. He really stepped up to the plate. I was kind of surprised, since he doesn't have the strongest stomach in the world. He was pretty awesome! I will (hopefully) find out what course of treatment the oncologists want me to take. I keep praying that the Lord helps guide the decision makers when they decide my treatment plan. What ever the course of treatment I know it's for the best so the cancer will not return. I still pray no chemo is involved. I don't want my kids to see me possible sick, and balding. They still don't know exactly what type of "infection" Mommy had, and I want to keep it that way. They are to young to worry about me and how I feel. They are so aware of my feelings, and they would spend every waking moment worrying about me. That's my job to worry for them not the other way around. The only thing I want them worrying about is if Santa's, going to bring them presents or reindeer poop( as my husband would say to them, to keep them in line.) Hopefully, I'll have more good news to report tomorrow afternoon, and the kids can start working on their Christmas lists.

Kick-a- Thon

Today was the kick-a-thon benefit for my family. What an Awesome event the Monroe, and Trenton school's put together. It was a first class act!! all the students, and instructors participated in the benefit. I felt so honored for these people to take time out of their Saturday, away from their family(some of them) to come, and participate in this benefit. Everyone made me feel so loved. They were all telling me how much they have been praying for me, and my family. Some of these people I just met today. What a wonderful group of loving people. It's nice to know that there are still good people out there. I'm really seeing God's love for me shine through the acts of others. Such selflessness, and unconditional love, and support from this group of people . They will always be in my heart! God Bless you all!

Cards for Noah

Today as I was on face book (shocking I know), There was a request to send a Christmas card to this little 5 year old boy named Noah who is in his final stages of cancer. All day long I've been thinking of this sweet little boy, and praying for him, and his family. How could you possible sit, and watch you're child struggle with this disease, that could possible cut his little life short. I am so blessed to have healthy children. Being parents we always want to keep our children from pain, and suffering. We shelter them from the evils of the world, but how can you keep this awful disease from inflicting them? I'm so grateful that I was inflicted with cancer, and not my children. They still think I had a infection taken out. I've never even said the words "Breast Cancer" to them. They are so young, and innocent. They were so concerned when I even went to the Dr's, because I never go for an illness, I've always been so healthy. In a world of evil and sadness I pray that my Lord continue to spare all children from caring the burden of illness or losing a parent. Let them be little children! God Bless You Noah! May St. Peregrine intercede on you're behalf to Christ Jesus for you Healing!!!

GOOD NEWS!! GOOD NEWS!!!!

The news finally came in early today. The Dr. called and my lymph nodes are all clean. They've even down graded my invasive cancer to a grade 2. The area of invasive cancer was 5cm, and the cancer was in little spots not one big mass, and that might of stopped the mapping from spreading. To me it all worked out the way God planned. I might have to have some chemotherapy because of me being so young. They want me around for years to come. Our prayer is for God to help guide the decision makers to find the best course of treatment for me, so I remain cancer free. For my wonderful supportive husband who's been so worried, relax, let go, and let God! I love you honey!!

Finding the Answer!

We're getting closer to the Kick-a-thon benefit at the Choi Kwang Do in Trenton. So many people have a hand in planning and preparing this benefit for me and my family. I'm truly blessed to have so many individuals caring and loving me. I truly feel cancer chose me to see the generosity in people and how God's love for us works through them. Even in these tough times people are still willing to give a little piece of themselves. Weather it be donating services for the fundraiser or helping plan the benefit. The out pour of love and prayer for me is truly a humbling experience, to see God's grace and mercy work through others. Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done and will continue to do for my family in the day's ahead. Thank you God for loving me ,and showing me your undying love and mercy.

ho hum

Just passing time, waiting for the dr's office to call, and let me know what the pathology results are. I am not a waiter, I'm a doer so this is driving me up the wall. How many times can one person jump on face book or check her e-mail in a day? I guess I'll find out. Well my sister gave me some good books to read I will probably start one of them To pass the time. Still praying every moment I start to think about what the results will be. I get that over whelming feeling of nervousness and then I stop and say a prayer my mother taught me, "I place all my trust in you my God all my hope is in you're mercy." Actually it's a psalm, but it calms me right down, and I remember who is in charge.

The Unvailing

Well now it's Halloween night and it was quite fitting for the bandages to come off on this day. We had to take them off so the air could help heal the incision. No stitches, I was glued shut and stere strips were applied. When I first looked down all I could do was cry. I felt so ugly, and mutilated. How could my husband look at me and see love? All the ripples of skin and craters in my chest from digging out all the lymph nodes.I'm still so swollen. I looked like a 13 year old boy on one side and a 41 year old women on the other. Once he seen me all he did was hold me, and say, "I love you, and I don't care if you have no breasts", "You're alive and well and that's all I care about!" I know that is how he feels, but the shock of seeing myself for the first time was very painful to me. It really sunk in that hey, I HAD Breast cancer. Now I'm ok it's gone, I will heal, but we still are waiting for the pathology report clearing the lymph nodes of any cancer. Then I will have the reconstruction surgery done. The scar should heal nice and slim and when all is said and done the scar might only be underneath the breast. That's what I'm hoping for anyway. The more I look at it I get used to it, and it just reminds me how much God loves me enough to spare me from this terrible disease. Thank God we found it early, thank God the dye didn't travel, because now it can NEVER come back again. My prayer was from the beginning was for this cancer to be gone and never to return. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers!!!

THE SURGERY DAY

Friday October 30th couldn't come too soon. I couldn't wait to get this cancer out of my body. I was taken back right away, and was prepped for surgery. Everyone I came in contact with was wonderful to me. They made me feel as if I was a member of their family they were caring for. My family came back to say their final goodbye's and last minute prayers and blessings as I was rolled away. Don't remember much only the nurse putting my cotton cap on, and them strapping my arms down. Then I woke up, which seemed to be the same room. I asked the nurse "didn't I go yet?" She said "yes honey you're all done." I asked her if they took out my lymph nodes, she said yes they had to. I started crying uncontrollably. The Dr. told me if cancer was in the nodes she would extract them all. Then Chemotherapy would probably be the treatment after surgery. When My family came back to see me the told me the Dr. said that the mapping was unsuccessful. For some reason the dye didn't spread out through my lymph node system. This happens once in a great while. Maybe my breast was still swollen from the biopsy or the general makeup of the breast can sometimes cause the dye not to travel. She stressed to them that she felt them, and looked at them very closely, and she doesn't suspect the cancer had reached them. She knew how upset I would be. Once I felt well enough we headed home. The whole stay in the hospital was about 6 hours.

More Testing

The doctor was very thoughtful of me, and my drive in from Monroe. She set up all the test for the following day one after the other so I wouldn't have to make too many trips into Royal Oak. First up was the MRI. Talk about your noisy machines holy cow. I couldn't hear myself think. so I just prayed the whole time. It took about 1/2 hour. Then on to my ultrasound. The Radiologist came in and look herself and showed me one area of concern. Remember the dimple? That was the area. It appeared to be an inverted milk duct. My lymph nodes also looked good , there was no swelling or sign of cancer. So I left there feeling some relief for the first time since my diagnosis. A lumpectomy seem to be the way thing were heading as my course of treatment. Well that was short lived. The doctor called me the next day to let me know that my lymph nodes looked good but my dimple showed up to be an area of suspicion on the MRI. So the only course of action for me would be get a right breast mastectomy, with mapping of my lymph nodes so we could extract the one's closest to the mass and analyze them immediately in the operating room to be sure they were cancer free. After this news she asked me how I felt about this. I said this really stinks. I know we discussed this option, but now that it's a reality I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. So the surgery was scheduled for October 30th at 9 am.

Finding a Doctor

The next morning couldn't come soon enough.I was up at 5 in the morning saying my prayers as if my life depended on them.(which they did) Waiting until 8:00 so I could call the Dr's office. I got through to the office girl and explained my situation and the urgency of seeing the doctor, and she told me she wouldn't accept me as a patient because she didn't take medicaid, and I needed to call my doctor back, and have him refure me to one that accepts medicaid. I never felt so alone in all my life. What was I going to do? Where would I go for treatment? Is the cancer going to spread if it takes me too long to find a doctor? My head was spinning with all kinds of crazy thoughts. FINALLY my sister gave me the name of a doctor out of Beaumont Hospital. Then the hand of God began working. everything fell into place. I rushed all my test results and films up there on Thursday the 14th and had an appointment with a doctor on Monday the 19th. The doctor laid it all on the line for me. It was very complicated, she said. I had two different types of cancer. IN SITO DUCTAL CARCINOMA.(cancer in the milk duct), and and Invasive CARCINOMA. Which is on top of the breast tissue. Both a very common Breast Cancer. My treatment would depend on more testing. She ordered an MRI and another ultrasound to see how much invasive cancer there was and if my Lymph nodes were infected.

The News

Once I came home from biopsy I called my Dr's office right away to tell them to call me as soon as they get the test results. The office staff let me know that if I didn't hear from them by Wednesday the 15th to call them on Monday, because the office was closed. So Tuesday came and went, no phone call. Wednesday morning, afternoon, evening came and went no call. So I was planning on calling the office on Monday morning. Then my cell phone rang at 8:50 pm. The call was from the doctor's office. I said hello, and the Doctor himself was on the phone. He said "Hello Cathy did anyone in the office call you yet?" I said no, I was waiting, He said I just sat down at my desk and read over your test results and it is Cancer. I looked at Ric and shook my head yes, and he just lost it. I tried to remain calm so I could ask questions. He said the type of cancer it is, is fast acting, and you need to get this taken care of right away, I want you to be OK Cathy.He did say it seemed to be localized which means it was in one location, it hadn't spread. He gave me a name of a surgeon to call for a follow up to see what was the next move would be. I hung up the phone, looked at my husband, and said with tears falling down my face, "I can't believe I have Breast Cancer!" We just held each other all night long and cried. This was hands down the worst night of my life!

Morning of the biopsy

I arrived Monday morning on the 12th of Oct for my biopsy. Nervous doesn't begin to describe how I was feeling. As I laid on the table face down with my right breast hanging through a whole that was in the table, they placed by breast between two paddles which projected an x-ray of my breast on the screen. I frantically looked the x-ray up and down to see if I noticed any mass in the breast before they told me to lay still. Maybe, just maybe they were mistaken once again. Once they found the area of concern, I was ordered to hold still and not move so they could inject the probe into my breast and start the core biopsy. After about a half hour the procedure was done. The samples were sent off to pathology for testing to see if the area was cancer. As I got up off the table with an eraser size whole at the top of my breast the nurse attached two stere strips over the whole to hold it together. I was then off to get a another mammogram to see if the clip they inserted in the area was in place. The clip is inserted in case of surgery, the surgeon will know where the infected area is in case of an future lumpectomy. Everything looked good and I was sent on my way with a 24 hour lifting restriction. No house work, dishes or cooking! I told the Dr to tell Ric I needed a week off, but he wasn't falling for it.

Let the Games Begin

On October 3rd I went in for my appointment. It seem to go just fine no different then the rest. Finished quickly and went off to work. Received a call that Monday from them requesting more images and possible a ultrasound. I was a bit taken back by the call, and was wondering why? Then it dawned on me, must be the dimpled area. They said no it was you're upper outer quadrant. Which was basically close to my armpit area. Tuesday morning bright and early dropped the kids off to school and went right over to the Women's Center for round 2 of smashing and stretching. Well this was alittle different then the usual mammogram. This paddle was small like a vise and pressed down so hard on my breast I thought my nipple was going to fly across the room. When we we done the tech told me to have a seat in the room and she'd let me know if the Radiologist still wanted an Ultrasound. So I went in the room to rub by poor smashed boobie. She came back in to say he wanted an ultrasound so I got dressed and walk over to radiology. Once the ultrasound was over the Tech excused herself to show the Radiologist the films. He came into the room, and told me he is going to suggest an stereotactic breast biopsy. Which is a biopsy guided with an X-ray. This way they can see a larger view of the area. Fortunately for me this was still covered under the grant. so the appointment was made for Monday October 12Th on my little Ricky's Birthday.

July of 09

Just received my postcard reminder for my yearly mammogram which will be in August. Placed it on the refridgerator, and wait hopefully Ric gets a job soon with some insurance benefits. Now it's the middle of September, and I noticed a dimple in the same area where my "swollen" lymph node was. Hummm this seams weard.I just put it out of my head and called my Mom up to go for a walk in the park. It was a beautiful fall day. My sister went also, and when we got back to my house I showed them both the dimple and I told them I was over due for my mammogram but I didn't have the money right now to go and get one. My sister said I know a place in town at the womens center that will give free breast screenings for women with no insurance. I called that day, and qualified for a Grantprogram which was established for women who had no insurance or bad coverage to off set the cost. My appointment was set for saturday October 3rd. Just in time to kick off Breast Cancer Awareness month.

It all started Aug of 08

While doing a routine breast self check I found a little bump in my areola just right of my nipple.I figured it was nothing probably just a clogged milk duct.Went to the Dr he suggested I see a surgeon, just to be on the safe side. He assured me it was probably nothing but he would sleep better at night knowing it was taken care of. Went to see the surgeon, and he recommended a needle guided biopsy. The following week, I went for the appointment. I was laying on the table terrified because I've never had any procedure done EVER,I've only given birth to 3 beautiful children. When the Dr came in and looked on the ultrasound he said"that little thing?" "That's just a swollen lymph node. So you can imagine my relief to hear that. The Dr went out, told my husband what was going on, and that I'd be right out.He wanted me to follow up in 3 months with him. So we left there thrilled, and went out to dinner to celebrate. The next Month I turned 40. When November came my husband lost his job due to the continueing decline of the Automotive Industry. No job, meant no Insurance. Which unfortunately meant, no 3 month follow up.